Destinations

We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time. --T. S. Eliot

This past month has been an interesting one for me. I'm not working, but I've had the security of knowing that I've got a job starting mid-June and continuing until at least next April, so I haven't been stressed. I'm not taking classes and am moving at a semi-leisurely pace through required reading and thesis preparation--emphasis on leisurely. My laid-back schedule has allowed me a lot of time to pleasure-read, reflect, and travel.

I find that vacations can sometimes be exhausting--a week-long jaunt to New York and DC was jam-packed with museums and sight-seeing. By the end, I was suffering from art and history overload and everything was starting to melt together in a blur of overstimulation. Enjoyable? Yes. Preparation to return to normal life? Not exactly.

Last week, I ventured down a 10-mile canyon to Havasupai, Arizona. The hike in was stunning--the canyon was beautiful and the temperamental weather made for interesting vistas of gray clouds and blue skies. I've always been a "journey" hiker--not pressing on too quickly towards the final destination and making sure to catch everything I can on the way. Frequent stops and a slower pace are a matter of course--not necessarily for fatigue, but rather to admire the surroundings. Fortunately, the guys in the group were compulsive climbers and were drooling over the rocks enough to merit multiple stops. Once we were down the canyon, they also tended to be more adventurous than I wanted to be, so I had plenty of alone time to contemplate beautiful waterfalls and just think about life--much more relaxed than being on my feet all day trying to remember every detail about American history or Monet. At one point, after descending an insane maze of caves, chains, and semi-slick footholds, I sat at the bottom of Mooney Falls while my group went farther down the river in search of even crazier adventures. Alone and completely removed from technology and other modern distractions, I embarked on some much-needed introspection.

I think sometimes it's really easy to get caught up in what we'll be doing tomorrow, next week, in six months, etc. Personally, I've been known to obsess over what will happen in the future and attempt to foresee every eventuality so as to plan out the details. It's tremendously ironic that while I'm keen on enjoying the journey while I hike, I struggle to apply that principle to my life as a whole. I focus on the intermediate destinations of life and speed through the surrounding scenery as quickly as possible without taking the time to enjoy it. I know what my ultimate destination is, but if I were truly making that my one focal point, then I wouldn't worry about what happens now--rather, I'd focus on how I can make the most of each moment that will lead me there.

In ten years, I'm not going to remember all of the little worries that occupy my thoughts right now. But I will remember the lessons I've learned, the time I spent with family and close friends, the moments of introspection and revelation that propel me slowly forward, and I'll continue to benefit from a constantly developing relationship with God. And while intermediate destinations can be important and worth our attention, we lose something of life and eternity if we don't explore, enjoy, and seek to understand our surroundings on the way.

Syndromes and Such

Even though I've had more than a month-long hiatus from posting, this blurb is still going to be moderately brief. I've just been thinking about an interesting syndrome I seem to suffer from. Like many of my other made-up complexes and syndromes, it's not one that you'll find in a textbook or even on Wikipedia, rather it's my attempt at explaining some weird quirk that I have. Without further ado, let me introduce my latest diagnosis: matchmaker syndrome.

Now, this is not a cupid-like tendency where I have a compulsive need to set people up with each other. Nor is it akin to Emma Woodhouse who couldn't help meddling in other people's lives almost as a way of covering up her own deficiencies (well...it might be distinctly related to the last one). Rather, it's a peculiar proclivity that manifests itself on first dates. I find myself sorting through my friends and wondering who would be the best match for the guy I'm with--which either means that I've already ruled him out as a "potential" on my list but still think he's a nice guy or that I'm running away from the possibility of commitment. I think I prefer the former. Either way, it's probably not the best way to date.

So what, you may ask, does the doctor prescribe for my ailment? Well, I think one of my biggest failings is that I love to give people advice that is generally sound, but I rarely follow it myself. Bottom line: I might be stuck in first-date mode indefinitely.